Bella dear, I will not be able to make it to your wedding (I wasn't really invited, merely informed) but here is my wedding gift to you, total and complete honesty.
Remember your garden dolly? I accidentally "decaffeinated" it the year I started Hogwarts. You shall find its head buried under the far tree outside the garden.
Your husband to be accidentally wandered into my room the first year you two were going at it. Don't tell him I said this, but he's really quite... well, I'll stop there.
Get a house with thick walls, otherwise your neighbors will all think you are killing small kittens.
I suggest you never have children. If you like I'll send you a charm to this effect and a book on how not to conceive. Trust me when I say you'll be sparing humanity great deals of suffering by this.
That time you got in trouble for hiding stuff in Cissy's room? I never admitted it, but it was me. But you knew that.
What you didn't know was I was the one taking your clothes, that sometimes I made Flippy go in your room to fetch things while you and Rudy were having "way to loud for your siblings to sleep" scandalous sex time.
I have more, but I'm not even going to get started.
Have a lovely wedding, Bella.
Current Mood: silly